Feline Solution

To my Pack of Revolutionaries:
There is a threat other than the Hu-mans. Check it out. There is the fight against The Feline Solution. Fortunately, my spies in the underground had recovered infomation on The Feline Solution, allowing us to effectively counter it:

1. Extinguish the exitstence of Canines (Counter: All your Feline Heads on Going on Poles)
   
2. Make Cat Nip legal in liquid (Counter: Heads on Poles)
   
3. Complete the mind controling purr over all humans (Counter: Heads on Poles)
4. Fancy Feast is the only kind of food served (Counter: Heads on Poles)

We will overcome and conquer the Felines. Their plan of domination will never be complete, they will not defeat us. We will become the Masters. We will smile as we place your head on a pole.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Poles

I never knew how much I like Poles.
Wood Poles.
Metal Poles.
Plastic Poles.
Joey Poles.
AngryMan Poles.
They are all good to piss on.
Barking of poles, my Hu-Man parents are going to a pig roast. They better stick that pig's head on a pole.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Finally!

You Hu-Mans finally get the dangers of squirrels. They steal & attack the little Hu-Mans.
That'S why my Revolution involves all squirrels' heads on poles.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Note To All Stupid Hu-Mans!

It won't be too long before that dreaded holiday comes when childless dog owners freak out.

We are not your children. Do not dress us up! We do not go out trick or treating.

We should just get treats. Right on Joey, no thank yous. TREATS & MORE TREATS!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

I'm Taking Charge

OK, so Mommy decided she wanted to help coach a soccer team that one of her co-worker's children is on. Because of this, Daddy and I had to go to the game with her. I was pretty excited at first because she put my soccer ball in a bag before we all got in the truck and headed over to the field.
When we got there, Mommy and Daddy threw the soccer ball and I would go catch it, pick it up, and bring it back. It was a lot of fun. Then, the game was about to start so Mommy went to help the kids warm up and Daddy and I watched. This is where it got pretty frustrating. You see, Mommy was supposedly helping the kids learn how to play soccer, but she wasn't teaching them to pick up the ball and throw it or kick it for a dog to chase. Heck, there wasn't even a dog playing with the kids! How can Mommy teach them how to play without a dog? What the heck was she thinking? Did anyone ever teach her how to play? Must have, because she knows enough to play with me. Anyway, I kept trying to get closer to the game to implement some changes, but Daddy kept us at a distance.
Once the game started, it got even worse. The kids just swarmed around the ball and had no clue what they were doing. Mommy never screamed out, "Throw it to the dog!" or "Why isn't a dog on the field?" or "Where is the dog?" I mean, what could she have been thinking? You can't play soccer without a dog! I wanted to get on the field so I could pick up the ball and run with it and show these kids a thing or two. But Daddy was sitting on a hill with me overlooking the field, so I couldn't do anything. I slowly started inching as close as I could, which wasn't far because I was on my oldest nemesis, the leash. God, I hate the leash!!!
Eventually, Daddy got the hint and we went down to the sidelines. He wouldn't let me run out on the field, though, which was horrible. Despite not having a dog, Mommy's team somehow won the game (don't ask me how, though). But Mommy needs to realize that the team is not going to win unless they implement some changes. The first and most important being that the team needs a dog. Since I am, by far, the best soccer playing dog there is, I will gladly be the team dog.
And Mommy, since you don't have any interest in putting me on the team, I am going to have to take over. So next Saturday, you can sit on the sideline on a leash with Daddy while I run the team as a player-coach. Understand?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

A Great Day

Yesterday was a pretty phenomenal day. You all know how much I like peanut butter, right? Well, whenever the jar is almost empty, my mommy will give the jar to me to lick clean. And yesterday, the biggest jar every finally was almost empty and my mommy gave it to me. But the story of how the biggest jar of peanut butter ever came into my house is pretty interesting and it has made me decide that Daddy should always go buy peanut butter.
About a month ago, Mommy told Daddy that we were out of peanut butter and that he needed to pick some up at the store. Now, Daddy hates shopping and he will do everything that he can do to get out of shopping. As such, Daddy decided that if he bought a big jar of peanut butter, then he would not have to go out to buy more for a long time.
Man, Daddy's a genius.
So that's what happened. Because Daddy hates shopping, I got to stick my face in a giganticly huge jar of peanut butter. Unfortunately, Mommy bought a new jar and it is very small. Now, I know what you are saying, a smaller jar means that I get peanut butter more often. And while that is important, there is nothing better than being able to stick your entire snout into a gigantic jar of peanut butter. The feeling is like getting a peanut butter cake on your birthday.
So, Mommy, from now on, Daddy is to buy all peanut butter in quantities not inconsistent with this blog post.
IT IS SO ORDERED.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Too Much Going On

OK, so last Friday, I finished off a rabbit that was in the backyard. That was pretty cool, except my mommy wouldn't let me play with it after I killed it.
So then, I spend the weekend going to a friend of my mommy and daddy's to take care of their dogs. And they had one dog that was really stupid! It was a Golden, too, which is usually one of my favorite breeds. But I didn't like this one because it was stupid, skinny, and acted like a puppy. Plus it just rolled over when I growled at it! Be a freakin' man, GOSH!
So then, Daddy gets home from his work yesterday and takes me out on a walk, and guess what? The neighbors down the street have a new freakin' dog! Do you know what this means for me? It means I have to let another punk dog know who is boss and show him how I run this neighborhood. I mean, he could get the crazy idea that he is the king of block and that he can just set up whatever operations that he wants.
That is not how it works! I have a very simple system set up that is designed to keep me from getting into trouble with the Po-Po. If you start doing too much, or someone else introduces too much crime into the neighborhood, they respond with a general crackdown and that just takes all my business away. I can't be having that, so I gots to set some rules with this punk.
And finally, The Man who Comes with Grandma when she comes to visit got a new car to replace his Nova. I told Grandma that I could really use the Nova because I have a lot of business that I conduct outside of my city block and a car could come in real handy (I took over the operations from an old cat friend of mine, Buddy, he's one of the good ones). But do you know what happened? He's keeping it! He didn't even consider giving it to me. Well, from now one, I'm going to my other Grandparents to stay when I get mad at Mommmy and Daddy or when the Po-Po comes looking for me.
Man, will the work ever end so I can just get back to my goals of world domination?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Planning a Revolution... Do You Know How Freaking Busy I Am ...Part II

Here’s some advice to anyone who's trying to stage a revolution: avoid committees, departments, or any freaking red tape.
So anyways I set up CANINE ASS KICKING COMITTEE (CAKC). CAKC is basically my war planning committee. We meet at the Dog Park on a daily basis usually after our Hu-Mans get off of work.
I'm still the leader, but I thought it would be appropriate to delegate some of the work.
I'm all about delegating, because I still have other duties such as regulating groundhogs, sleeping, & eating peanut butter.
Don't get me wrong I really like Golden Retrievers (not bitches, males only).
Their concentration is worse than Hu-man kid not on riddle.
They can't look vicious.
Look at this:

Does this put fear into you? No! You want to grab a tennis ball and pretend to throw it while Golden No Brain chases it. I am attracted to Goldens, but I should not have put him, Max, on CAKC. He forgets his assignments, but he never forgets to bring his tennis ball.
Priorities!
I should never have let him hump me. Oh did I say that out loud? That's an inside word.

I've got plans and someone else's work to do.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Ode to George Washington Carver

Who cares who explained gravity?

Who cares who invented the light bulb?

Who cares who created the theory of relativity?

When there’s the greatest inventor of all, oh George Washington Carver, you created the loveliest food of all.

Peanut Butter

Creamy Peanut Butter

Crunchy Peanut Butter

Sticks to the roof of my mouth Peanut Butter

You had me at the first spoon full with that giant pill that I was forced to take by parents through the hand of the veterinarian.

If George Washington Carver were still alive, I would spare him from my wrath.

Here’s to you George Washington Carver.

Licks & Bites,

Cash

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!