Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Legend of the Cash Breed: Cash vs Dinosaurs

Those of you who read my blog know that I am a Cash Breed. But very few of you know my kind's extraordinary history. We date back to the start of the planet, if not further. We have been witness to every important moment in world history, all of it.
This, of course, includes the rise and fall of dinosaurs, especially the fall. You see, the Cash Breed was responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs.
It happened many, many millions of years ago, long before Dr. Murk gave a bad review to Batman that failed to mention how Batman should be mauled for fighting Rotweilers. During the time of the dinosaurs, the Cash Breed was one of the most dominant species of animals on the planet. Yes, despite being much smaller than the average dinosaur and certainly much smaller than dinosaurs like the T-Rex, we rose almost to the top of the food chain. How? We had superior negotiation skills that we used to get other animals to do our bidding.
Everything was going fine until we were attacked by velociraptors one day. The raptors attacked a group of our young and we were not thrilled with that. However, we were willing to come to an agreement and work it out as raptors were helpful in taking down the occasional T-Rex. After a long negotiation, we had more or less hammered everything out when a T-Rex stumbled on to our meeting site. We prepared to fight, but the raptors ran away. We lost many brave Cash Breed that day, but we defeated the T-Rex and put his head on a pole for all to see.
The cowardice of the raptors could not be forgiven. Ever. Nor could the evil of the T-Rex. The Cash Breed decided that these dinosaurs would pay for their sins. We knew there was only one course of action to take. We assembled our greatest spiritual leaders in a cave near our home. The spiritual leaders engaged in the super-secret Cash Breed magic and summoned an asteroid. We all took up shelter in a cave that we outfitted for such an attack. We equipped it with indoor lighting, water, peanut butter, and we also set up fields of grass inside the cave. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but we needed a place to play and pee, and we also needed to have grass on hand to eat if our stomachs got upset.
Then the asteroid came.

Cash Breed -- 1
Dinosaurs -- 0

Why did we take out all of the dinosaurs if we were only mad at two of the species? Because it was easier than a targeted strike.

4 Comments:

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Cash breeds de-evolved from Chihuahuas.

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger AngryMan said...

I hope she doesn't drop an asteroid on you for that. I'd hate for you to die before you do a ROYTERS post.

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Malach the Merciless said...

You haven't evolved then in millions of years?

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Cash said...

You don't have to evolve if you're a perfect species, Head-On-Pole.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

 

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