Totally Lame Like a Cat

So these couple of weeks have been has a lame as the cat that likes to come up to my front porch. DIE CAT! I haven't been able to concentrate on the Revolution. There's too much going on. Hu-Man Parents are going back & forth to see my Hu-Man Brother. Grandma & Brown Dog were in which made me happy. Grandma takes care of me & I can order Brown Dog around. She's big & dumb. Although she can open doors. It's very strange. She pretty much pushes the door handle with her head. Anyway I can't wait for Little Hu-Man Brother, because I'll teach him to get peanut butter. I'll also use him has my Hu-Man mole. I have Grandma in my paw already so I have the old people under my control. Grandma would rather save all animals than any worthless Hu-Man. I still have to teach her that cats are evil, but she is getting there. She doesn't like cats as much since they are bird killers. I personally don't care for birds unless they are like Hitchcock's birds attacking Hu-Mans. That's really sweet movie. I'm going to try to draw up my plans for using L'il Hu-Man Brother to infiltrate the Hu-Man baby world.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Fantasy Football

I finally got a win last week. Turns out when I had Tom Brady taken out by the Chiefs, I forgot that he was the starting QB on my fantasy team. Don't recall who my backup was, but I quickly replaced the two QBs with Philip Rivers and Jake Delhomme. I probably should have grabbed Jay Cutler while I was at it, but I've never been that sold on the Broncos and their QBs.
Hopefully, I'll keep winning and take the trophy this season. The trophy is a cat frozen in carbonite. I really want to get it and put it out front for all the neighborhood cats to see. Heh, heh!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

So Many Updates

First off, I settled things with that punk Border Collie next door.  He thought I was pretending to be Cash, but I assured him I was the real thing.  He gets a lot of dogs coming around saying that they are Cash in order to get half his dog treats as a tribute.  I can't blame him for being cautious, if I wasn't me, I'd want to be me.  Does that sentence make sense?  

Regardless, I made a lot of money today.  I had my friend Herm Edwards get the Chiefs to take out Tom Brady, and they didn't disappoint.

Sorry, Murk, Malach, Col. Col., Mooooog, and other Pats fans, I know you wanted to win the Super Bowl this year (especially after last year)

but you have no idea how much money I made betting on Brady getting hurt in this game.  My Revolution is never going to have to worry about bouncing a check again.

In other news, I found a groundhog in the neighborhood.  Needless to say, I wasn't happy about this.  He's probably having tea parties all over the place.  Drink up, friend, you will soon learn what Cash does to groundhogs!

And finally, I've been keeping tabs on this cat in the neighborhood.  I caught it trying to steal my daddy's truck.  

You better take care of that pesky to-do list, kitty, your time is coming!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Revolution Is On Hold

I just moved into a new neighborhood and I have to put my revolution on hiatus. When I got into my new house, I found this border collie next door. He started barking at me like I was some sort of punk dog who would just cave into his demands. I let him know that I'm top dog, but he doesn't believe me. I have to teach him a lesson. Here's a picture of that punk.


Send his family your regards.
But more important than this punk border collie is the fact that my neighborhood is chock full of cats. That's right, there are felines everywhere. I've managed to land myself in the nerve center of the feline army. While some of you may think that I would be scared by this, I'm actually happy. I will finally have a chance to strike at the heart of the beast and take care of the felines once and for all. I'm already gaining valuable intelligence about their activities. Here's a picture of me doing research on how I plan to take down all the felines.

Wish me luck (not that I'll need it). Once I'm done with the felines, I'll be back to putting Hu-Man heads on poles.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Moving

We are moving again. This means that Mommy is going through my toy box to see if she can throw anything away. The answer to that is "NO", none of my toys can be thrown away. While searching through my stuff, Mommy did manage to find the money stash I put at the bottom of my toy box and took all of it from me!
Lame. I worked hard to put those dimes and quarters away for my retirement years and she just takes them from me. That's just unacceptable, and I will not take this atrocity sitting down (not even on command). Just wait until later when I take her face away for stealing from me.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Legend of the Cash Breed: Cash vs Dinosaurs

Those of you who read my blog know that I am a Cash Breed. But very few of you know my kind's extraordinary history. We date back to the start of the planet, if not further. We have been witness to every important moment in world history, all of it.
This, of course, includes the rise and fall of dinosaurs, especially the fall. You see, the Cash Breed was responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs.
It happened many, many millions of years ago, long before Dr. Murk gave a bad review to Batman that failed to mention how Batman should be mauled for fighting Rotweilers. During the time of the dinosaurs, the Cash Breed was one of the most dominant species of animals on the planet. Yes, despite being much smaller than the average dinosaur and certainly much smaller than dinosaurs like the T-Rex, we rose almost to the top of the food chain. How? We had superior negotiation skills that we used to get other animals to do our bidding.
Everything was going fine until we were attacked by velociraptors one day. The raptors attacked a group of our young and we were not thrilled with that. However, we were willing to come to an agreement and work it out as raptors were helpful in taking down the occasional T-Rex. After a long negotiation, we had more or less hammered everything out when a T-Rex stumbled on to our meeting site. We prepared to fight, but the raptors ran away. We lost many brave Cash Breed that day, but we defeated the T-Rex and put his head on a pole for all to see.
The cowardice of the raptors could not be forgiven. Ever. Nor could the evil of the T-Rex. The Cash Breed decided that these dinosaurs would pay for their sins. We knew there was only one course of action to take. We assembled our greatest spiritual leaders in a cave near our home. The spiritual leaders engaged in the super-secret Cash Breed magic and summoned an asteroid. We all took up shelter in a cave that we outfitted for such an attack. We equipped it with indoor lighting, water, peanut butter, and we also set up fields of grass inside the cave. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but we needed a place to play and pee, and we also needed to have grass on hand to eat if our stomachs got upset.
Then the asteroid came.

Cash Breed -- 1
Dinosaurs -- 0

Why did we take out all of the dinosaurs if we were only mad at two of the species? Because it was easier than a targeted strike.

Thunderstorms

Thunderstorms are the work of cats. I hate them. Cats create them to distract attention from their reprehensible activities such as getting Hu-Mans to pet them and lacing Hu-Man foods with catnip.
My mommy and daddy don't understand why it is that I get so close to them during thunderstorms. They think that I am afraid, but that is not the case. I get close to them to make sure that they are safe and that no cats attempt to sneak into the house and force mommy and daddy to pet them.
That is why I get close to mommy and daddy during thunderstorms, and that is why I will not calm down until they are both nearby. It is not because I am afraid.
I'm serious, I am NOT afraid of thunderstorms. I am protecting my family from evil cats. I hate cats.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!