My Thanksgiving Dinner

This is what I'm eating for Thanksgiving Dinner. Happy holiday! And yes, I trained the dog to bring the squirrel to me. I'm too busy with my revolution to always go out and hunt.

This Post Is For Big Grandma

Big Grandma recently got her National Board Teacher certification which means that she will be due for a substantial increase in pay. Now that she has more money to spend, I expect that I will finally be given all of the things that I have asked for and not received for birthdays and Christmas. No longer can Grandpa and her rely on the "We don't have money excuse". But before I detail what it is that I want, I will have to say that I should be the prime beneficiary of my Grandparents' increased wealth. First, her kids need to learn to take care of themselves and should not rely on their parents anymore. Second, her oldest child has gone over to the darkside and been corrupted by the cats. He has FIVE cats in his house. Sad, I know, he will not survive the Revolution. Sorry, Big Grandma, but he has sinned and he must pay for it.
OK, now to what I want. My wishes are simple. First I would like some more peanut butter.
Second, I would like an automatic tennis ball launcher. This looks pretty cool, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy/lazy/drunk to play with me. They say they don't play fetch with me because I stop playing after they throw the ball twice and I go sniff the backyard for animals, but I don't think that's true. And besides, they should love playing with me so much that it doesn't matter what I do or how long it takes me to fetch something.

Third, I would like to get a tank
some mustard gas and some anthrax. You may be asking what I need with all of this, but trust me, Big Grandma, it's better for you not to know. You just need to trust me on this one.

Fourth, I would like some real estate. Real estate is always a good investment, land is the only thing that people aren't making more of.

Fifth, I will also need a great deal of catnip

and rat poison. I could also use some lead paint. Again, it's probably better if you don't ask what this is for.

A Whimper for My Grandma

You see I love my Grandma even though she is Hu-Man. She’s small & fragile. The other day she called me saying how much she missed me & my black hairs that get everywhere. I was very busy at the time doing revolutionary stuff so I didn’t really respond well back to her. I probably made her cry which is really easy to do. When she cries I comfort her. Instead of running out of the room like Skadi (she’s my canine aunt). I need my Grandma. I need her more than those little Hu-Man cousins of mine. I hate them. They take precious time, money, & energy from Grandma. For example, Grandma is flying up to DC next week just to see one of those Hu-Man babies. I eat Hu-Man babies for breakfast. I own several franchise abortion clinics, “Coat Hangers ‘R Us”. Instead I should be with her at her house with the doggy door & the big yard. Life in the suburbs rock no matter how much you city lovers try to convince yourself it’s awful. I have my yard. I have the golf course to poo on especially the holes so the first golfers out will get fresh poo all over their balls. Wonderful Times!

The other great thing about Grandma is that she is like my servant. You see, she will get up when I want a walk. She will feed me when I want food. She will give me treats when I want treats. She will let me on the bed (NOTE: Only when The Man That Come With Grandma is out of town). She’s home all day so I’m not lonely unlike my ungrateful Hu-Mans parents who don’t understand that my presence should be enough for them. I don’t take excuses like work & school kindly.

Grandma, don’t be fooled by Hu-Man babies who poop in their pants & make funny noises that causes me to bark at them to shut up. Grandma, I’ve bought a ticket on a Grey-Hound bus to come live with you. I’m all done with my Hu-Man Parents & I can bring the Revolution further down South to the place that started the Civil War.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!