Daily Bulletin 5/1
Today:
This morning I cornered four rabbits. I let them go, though, because their meat is too stringy to eat. I took a nap when I got home.
This afternoon I saw three deer and I was ready to chase after them and kill them. However, my daddy wouldn't let me out of the truck to chase them down. He said something about it being dangerous to chase animals through a parking lot. I have no choice but to agree with him, he is very wise.
However, this got me thinking about how much I hate you freaking hu-mans for paving over the beautiful woods in my town. I also hate you hu-mans for your polluting vehicles. How hard would it be to build a solar powered car, you asses? You will pay for this when the revolution comes.
Then I took a nap when I got home.
Later in the afternoon Daddy and I played soccer ball out back. I was totally awesome at it. He couldn't get off a kick because my defense is so totally freaking amazing. A soccer gang wants me to join because of my skillz, but I told them no because they are hu-mans and their heads are gonna end up on poles.
Then I took a nap.
Even later in the afternoon I went back to the law school with Daddy and Mommy and we played tennis ball. Mommy just sat in the shade because she has pale-skin and burns after like twelve seconds in the sun. Then the cheapskates went to Dollar General to get Daddy some pencils for his test tomorrow. I took a nap in the car.
When we got home I got surprised with rawhides that they bought. I nawed on one for a while, then went outside and played soccer ball with daddy again. It was fun because I am so freaking amazing at it. Then I came inside, nawed on the rawhide and took a nap.
I dreamed about murdering all the rotten hu-man overlords. Good times...
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
posted by Cash @ 8:21 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
so, tell us about your mother.
slower.....
your parents, they sound, well, hu-man
what is the deal?
Of course they are hu-man, you freaking retard! I can't do much of anything in this life without being adopted by a hu-man, can I? Sure, I could run free in the wild, but that option was taken away by those rotten bastards at the SPCA! Then they sterilized me! When the revolution comes, their heads will be on poles.
It's a good thing my hu-man mom and dad took me away, or I would have been executed.
Fortunately, my mommy and daddy have treated me very nicely and will be kept alive after the revolution. I will need them to take me to the vet when I get sick. However, the vet tech that puts the thermometer in my ass is going down!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
Would you like a natural or an unnatural Thai wife? And don't forget that I think dogs don't have any other thoughts beyond hunger and pooping. I don't buy the existential connection. Pole me if you like.
How do you decide who gets their heads on their poles?
China:
Your head is soon to be on a pole. I obviously have thoughts other than pooping and eating, just ask mommy about the time I hid under the couch when daddy was angry at me. Or about how I try to make mommy and daddy pet me whenever they walk past.
C.Rag:
Be kind to me and other animals (except cats and squirrels) = head on body.
Be mean to me and other animals (except cats and squirrels) = head on pole.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
But you don't know that for sure, do you Otis "Head on a Pole" Redding?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
I agree with Cash, dogs are more than just pooping and eating machines. They have feelings and can express them quite clearly.
China:
Also, if dogs are just motivated by eating/pooping, you need to talk to your Momma about tsomething. One time, your little brother's stupid friend left the front door open and Sugar stayed in front of the door all night long. She didn't even get up for breakfast when called, your Momma had to come get her.
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