The Life of Cash

Totally Lame Like a Cat

2008-10-19T04:32:00.003-07:00

So these couple of weeks have been has a lame as the cat that likes to come up to my front porch. DIE CAT! I haven't been able to concentrate on the Revolution. There's too much going on. Hu-Man Parents are going back & forth to see my Hu-Man Brother. Grandma & Brown Dog were in which made me happy. Grandma takes care of me & I can order Brown Dog around. She's big & dumb. Although she can open doors. It's very strange. She pretty much pushes the door handle with her head. Anyway I can't wait for Little Hu-Man Brother, because I'll teach him to get peanut butter. I'll also use him has my Hu-Man mole. I have Grandma in my paw already so I have the old people under my control. Grandma would rather save all animals than any worthless Hu-Man. I still have to teach her that cats are evil, but she is getting there. She doesn't like cats as much since they are bird killers. I personally don't care for birds unless they are like Hitchcock's birds attacking Hu-Mans. That's really sweet movie. I'm going to try to draw up my plans for using L'il Hu-Man Brother to infiltrate the Hu-Man baby world.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Fantasy Football

2008-09-25T16:38:00.004-07:00

I finally got a win last week. Turns out when I had Tom Brady taken out by the Chiefs, I forgot that he was the starting QB on my fantasy team. Don't recall who my backup was, but I quickly replaced the two QBs with Philip Rivers and Jake Delhomme. I probably should have grabbed Jay Cutler while I was at it, but I've never been that sold on the Broncos and their QBs.
Hopefully, I'll keep winning and take the trophy this season. The trophy is a cat frozen in carbonite. I really want to get it and put it out front for all the neighborhood cats to see. Heh, heh!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

So Many Updates

2008-09-07T16:58:00.003-07:00

First off, I settled things with that punk Border Collie next door. He thought I was pretending to be Cash, but I assured him I was the real thing. He gets a lot of dogs coming around saying that they are Cash in order to get half his dog treats as a tribute. I can't blame him for being cautious, if I wasn't me, I'd want to be me. Does that sentence make sense?

Regardless, I made a lot of money today. I had my friend Herm Edwards get the Chiefs to take out Tom Brady, and they didn't disappoint.

Sorry, Murk, Malach, Col. Col., Mooooog, and other Pats fans, I know you wanted to win the Super Bowl this year (especially after last year)

but you have no idea how much money I made betting on Brady getting hurt in this game. My Revolution is never going to have to worry about bouncing a check again.

In other news, I found a groundhog in the neighborhood. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about this. He's probably having tea parties all over the place. Drink up, friend, you will soon learn what Cash does to groundhogs!

And finally, I've been keeping tabs on this cat in the neighborhood. I caught it trying to steal my daddy's truck.

You better take care of that pesky to-do list, kitty, your time is coming!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Revolution Is On Hold

2008-08-14T08:08:00.004-07:00

I just moved into a new neighborhood and I have to put my revolution on hiatus. When I got into my new house, I found this border collie next door. He started barking at me like I was some sort of punk dog who would just cave into his demands. I let him know that I'm top dog, but he doesn't believe me. I have to teach him a lesson. Here's a picture of that punk.

Send his family your regards.
But more important than this punk border collie is the fact that my neighborhood is chock full of cats. That's right, there are felines everywhere. I've managed to land myself in the nerve center of the feline army. While some of you may think that I would be scared by this, I'm actually happy. I will finally have a chance to strike at the heart of the beast and take care of the felines once and for all. I'm already gaining valuable intelligence about their activities. Here's a picture of me doing research on how I plan to take down all the felines.

Wish me luck (not that I'll need it). Once I'm done with the felines, I'll be back to putting Hu-Man heads on poles.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Moving

2008-08-03T13:47:00.002-07:00

We are moving again. This means that Mommy is going through my toy box to see if she can throw anything away. The answer to that is "NO", none of my toys can be thrown away. While searching through my stuff, Mommy did manage to find the money stash I put at the bottom of my toy box and took all of it from me!
Lame. I worked hard to put those dimes and quarters away for my retirement years and she just takes them from me. That's just unacceptable, and I will not take this atrocity sitting down (not even on command). Just wait until later when I take her face away for stealing from me.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Legend of the Cash Breed: Cash vs Dinosaurs

2008-07-20T05:38:00.004-07:00

Those of you who read my blog know that I am a Cash Breed. But very few of you know my kind's extraordinary history. We date back to the start of the planet, if not further. We have been witness to every important moment in world history, all of it.
This, of course, includes the rise and fall of dinosaurs, especially the fall. You see, the Cash Breed was responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs.
It happened many, many millions of years ago, long before Dr. Murk gave a bad review to Batman that failed to mention how Batman should be mauled for fighting Rotweilers. During the time of the dinosaurs, the Cash Breed was one of the most dominant species of animals on the planet. Yes, despite being much smaller than the average dinosaur and certainly much smaller than dinosaurs like the T-Rex, we rose almost to the top of the food chain. How? We had superior negotiation skills that we used to get other animals to do our bidding.
Everything was going fine until we were attacked by velociraptors one day. The raptors attacked a group of our young and we were not thrilled with that. However, we were willing to come to an agreement and work it out as raptors were helpful in taking down the occasional T-Rex. After a long negotiation, we had more or less hammered everything out when a T-Rex stumbled on to our meeting site. We prepared to fight, but the raptors ran away. We lost many brave Cash Breed that day, but we defeated the T-Rex and put his head on a pole for all to see.
The cowardice of the raptors could not be forgiven. Ever. Nor could the evil of the T-Rex. The Cash Breed decided that these dinosaurs would pay for their sins. We knew there was only one course of action to take. We assembled our greatest spiritual leaders in a cave near our home. The spiritual leaders engaged in the super-secret Cash Breed magic and summoned an asteroid. We all took up shelter in a cave that we outfitted for such an attack. We equipped it with indoor lighting, water, peanut butter, and we also set up fields of grass inside the cave. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but we needed a place to play and pee, and we also needed to have grass on hand to eat if our stomachs got upset.
Then the asteroid came.

Cash Breed -- 1
Dinosaurs -- 0

Why did we take out all of the dinosaurs if we were only mad at two of the species? Because it was easier than a targeted strike.

Thunderstorms

2008-06-22T16:48:00.002-07:00

Thunderstorms are the work of cats. I hate them. Cats create them to distract attention from their reprehensible activities such as getting Hu-Mans to pet them and lacing Hu-Man foods with catnip.
My mommy and daddy don't understand why it is that I get so close to them during thunderstorms. They think that I am afraid, but that is not the case. I get close to them to make sure that they are safe and that no cats attempt to sneak into the house and force mommy and daddy to pet them.
That is why I get close to mommy and daddy during thunderstorms, and that is why I will not calm down until they are both nearby. It is not because I am afraid.
I'm serious, I am NOT afraid of thunderstorms. I am protecting my family from evil cats. I hate cats.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Disturbing Omes

2008-06-11T05:01:00.002-07:00

Mr. Laptop (aka The Man Who Comes With Grandma) has decided that he wants to get a new job. This means that Grandma may end up moving from her home. Everyone in the family thinks that this is a great idea and that moving will be exciting. I think this is terrible.
I will lose the one home that has a doggie-door, my base of operations in the suburbs, and my own private ocean (they have a little pool that I like to climb into when no one is looking). Not only that, but they live near a golf course that I poop on during my morning walks when I stay there. I try to poop in the holes to give the golfers an extra surprise! Stupid golfers. That dumb game will be one of the first things to go when my revolution comes.
I really think that this plan of theirs is terrible and that it fails to take account of what I want to do, which should be the most important thing in the world to them. I'm not sure exactly how I can stop them from trying to move, but I will try, believe me, I will try.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

New Rule

2008-05-25T15:10:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite pastimes is playing fetch. I prefer to play fetch with a soccer ball as opposed to a tennis ball or, Great Dog Above forbid, a stick. I've been forcing my Hu-Man roommates to play fetch with me a lot lately. I enjoy it for two reasons; one is that it is great exercise, and second is that it allows me to force a Hu-Man to do my bidding. Because of the power that fetch brings me, I've decided to require, once my revolution succeeds, that all Hu-Mans play fetch with a dog for ten to twenty minutes a day.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

GET ME...I MEAN ANGRY GINGER GIFTS

2008-05-09T05:52:00.007-07:00

I have plenty of money for my revolution. I have more money from fundraising than Obama, but the money is all tied up with guns & bombs & other things that can't be mentioned. So a baby registry was created by HERE TODAY GONE TOMORROW for AngryGinger.

I typically do not have anything to do with Cat Ladies, but she offered a very sweet idea for AngryGinger, my Hu-Man mole. So I will let her gift registry go on, but I'm watching her & her cats for any funny stuff. If there's any catnip in the gifts, I will find her.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

GET ME...I MEAN ANGRY GNG

2008-05-09T05:52:00.001-07:00

Bye, Uncle Jim!

2008-04-25T11:40:00.005-07:00

You all remember my Uncle Jim who watched me while Mommy and Daddy went on vacation without me, right? Well, he's leaving me for some blonde whore out in Denver and another whore out in Carson City. I can't believe he's walking away from me!
I would normally be mad at Uncle Jim for this and put his head on a pole in retaliation, but I love him so much that I forgive him. Remember the good times we had, Uncle Jim!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

A Couple Of Things

2008-04-16T05:38:00.004-07:00

First, I have killed another punk groundhog. It thought that it could come into my backyard with impunity. Now, its head is on a pole. Actually, Mommy put it in the trash. Daddy was away at school when this happened, so he got out of cleaning up my mess once again. He's pretty smart, that Daddy of mine, always away when I kill an animal.

Second, this dude is going to be the first person whose head goes an a pole when I start the Revolution. I'm pretty sure that this punk was just trying to make a statement and that the dog didn't actually starve to death, but tying a dog up is an unforgivable insult. It reminds all dogs of our status as slaves to Hu-Mans and those who engage in it will not be forgiven. Prepare to feel my wrath, I will do to you what I've done to the groundhogs who wander into my yard!!!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Time For A New Politics

2008-04-13T08:59:00.002-07:00

I'm tired of hearing about how politicians believe that they can change American culture. All they talk about is taxes, guns, the war in Iraq, and why people in Pennsylvania are so bitter. Meanwhile, they ignore the most important issue facing the country -- anti-dog bigotry, anti-black dog bigotry in particular. Read this article here and just try and tell me with a straight-face that you are not outraged.
Black dogs, like myself, are some of the sweetest, most gentle, and kindest dogs you will find (except for Carmen). While it is true that we are prone to start revolutions, it is also true that we are extremely loyal and will go out of our way to defend those who treat us right.
America, if you want to avoid having your collective head put on a pole, then let go your bigotry and start adopting more of my black-haired brethren.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Happy Birthday to ME, Cash!

2008-04-01T06:45:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to ME!

Happy Birthday to Me the Great Revolutionary!

Happy Birthday to ME the Bringer of Hu-Man Death!

Happy Birthday to ME the Impaler!

Happy Birthday to ME the Maker of Malach’s Head On a Pole!

Happy Birthday to ME the Eater of Grilled Carmen!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Week in Pictures

2008-03-29T03:55:00.004-07:00

The True Carmen:

The True Mike & Carmen:
One of the Punishments from The Great Revolutionary, ME:

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Master Plan

2008-03-21T07:03:00.002-07:00

1.) Use new Hu-Man for my control.

2.) Get use new Hu-Man to get Peanut butter.

3.) Ban all LOL Cats sites that degrades Canines.

4.) Bark at Presidential Candidates. (Their campaigning is useless since they will be my puppet)

5.) Take over the world in one day.

6.) Nap Time

What Are They Talking About?

2008-03-18T14:47:00.001-07:00

My mommy and daddy are talking about how a bundle of joy is coming along. They say that in nine months, a little bundle will appear. What are they talking about? What could it mean? To make my confusion worse, my parents have told me that I'll have to do some more work around the house to protect the little bundle. What a rip off. I'm too freaking busy planning my revolution to deal with some bundle of joy.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

A New Enemy

2008-03-03T13:09:00.003-08:00

Chelle B. is going down. Why? I'll tell you why, and I'll tell you that I can't wait to put her head on a pole. I can't believe that she doesn't think that dogs should have comfortable pillows. She is evil, and she will pay. The Canine Revolution will start with her losing her head and with me putting it on a pole.
You're on NOTICE, Chelle B.!!!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

My Political Machine

2008-02-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

Blogging to entertain you is not my apart of my Revolution. My Revolution is very busy with the political machine. You see I'm instrumental in dividing up the Republican Party. Glenn Beck, Laura Ingram, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Cloumanter, etc. are all afraid of John McCain. He may not eat your Hu-Man babies, but he will he all Vietnamese babies…WATCH OUT DR. MURK! Like I care for Dr. Murk. He has his head up his butt and it's not because he's cleaning it. There's nothing wrong with that. The other Republicans need to get their act together. I'm for Mitt Romney, because he eats Hu-Man Babies & he wears magic underwear which will not protect him in the Revolution. I'll rip it up & pee on them & bark with joy.

Huckbee is a wuss Hu-Man. If he were still fat, he could eat Hu-Man Babies too, but he's on a diet all the time.

Ron Paul is a personal friend of mine, but I have other plans for him.

On the DemoBleedingHeartCrats side you have anti-dog people.

We all know Obama is afraid of us. We don't need to get into it. If I bark at him he shrieks like a little girl & runs away to KFC.
The Clintons are pure evil. Whatever happened to Buddy? Oh he was hit by a car! Was Bill busy with his cigar to not take care of Buddy? Hillary will be ripped to shreds.
My Revolution is behind Mitt Romney. Why else is he still in? He will eat your babies with ketchup. Oh, wait, he got out. He'll still eat babies, though, so I'm still going to support him.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Add Another To The List

2008-01-11T11:21:00.000-08:00

Of animals I have killed.

Today I was quietly napping behind the couch when I got startled by a little gray dart coming straight towards me. Not knowing what it was, I took the most logical course of action and dropped my jaws down on it. It tried to escape, but I killed it instantly. Daddy pulled me away and wouldn't let me eat it, but the point is that it learned that it shouldn't wake me up while I nap. I assume that all other gray darts have learned the same thing.
After Daddy pulled me away, I quickly lost interest and went back to my nap, leaving Daddy the boring job of throwing the little dart out into the trash and cleaning up the pool of blood it left behind on the floor. When Daddy was done with that, I was rewarded for ridding the house of such an evil beast with a Mr. Pugsley dipped in peanut butter and a rawhide.
Moral of the story? DON'T WAKE ME UP WHILE I NAP!!!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

This Man Must Die

2008-01-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

Why must Slash die? It's very simple. I was minding my own business watching Jimmy Kimmel's late night show (which is no longer funny without the writers) and Slash comes on. No big deal, I say to myself, it's just that lame guitarist from that lame band who ceased being relevant twenty years ago.
BUT THEN THE FREAKING JINGLING STARTS! He starts making all this noise as he walks out onto the stage like he's wearing dog collars and tags! Collars and tags?!? Collars and tags!!! How the heck could he do something so evil! OK, I never took the time to find out what made the jingling noises, but I'm sure it was him wearing collars and dog tags in an attempt to mock the suffering of dogs everywhere. How freaking insulting is that? Slash will pay for the evil taunting that he has engaged in. He will regret the day that he sided against the Revolution. He will pay the way that Andrew Lloyd Webber will pay. He will suffer, he will suffer.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

John Edwards Sold Me Out!!!

2007-12-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

With all the recent bitterness in the political campaigns, candidates are starting to look for wedge issues, and I'm the new wedge. John Edwards, in his never-ending desperate attempt to be President, is now arguing that President Bush hasn't done enough to keep the world safe from its most pressing danger, Radical Fundamental Canine Terrorism. I'm used to the heat, but this is particularly distressing. You see, Edwards and I worked out a deal whereby Canines would take out Hillary and Obama supporters in Iowa if he would distribute $10 million to the Revolution. Everything was going fine until last week when Edwards brought the issue up. While it wouldn't normally be a big deal, I have some deep cover operatives who have been programmed to take out their Mastahs for quite some time now and nothing is likely to stop them. So, um, I'm probably going to need to disappear for a little while. You guys haven't seen me.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

23 MONTHS SUCKAS

2007-12-10T13:02:00.000-08:00

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

My Plans Take Shape

2007-12-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

A lot of you may not think that I am actually capable of plotting a revolution or taking action. You are fools. While my pathetic parents were away in Baltimore for their little trip (they didn't have any fun, though, because I wasn't there), I gained a valuable ally in the Revolution, my Uncle Jim. Uncle Jim is awesome. He was in the military for a while and served in Iraq and Somalia (he hated both places). He has important Revolution skills and put me through intensive training. Here's a picture of me during training, I'm on guard.

Where's the picture, you ask? It's too super-secret for you to see, sorry. OK, OK, I know that you really want to see it, so here you go.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Things I Will Get Rid Of

2007-12-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

When I take over, I will most certainly get rid of those stupid PC v. Mac computer commercials. They used to be cute, but now they just anger me. I will also get rid of scripted programming. This can be somewhat intelligent and can make Hu-mans think. I do not like this. Stupid Hu-mans make it easier for me to take over the world. This is why I prefer reality programming. Stupid reality shows like American Idol, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?, and Dancing With The Stars make Hu-mans dumber and more malleable. This is why I took the time to engineer a writer's strike. Without intelligent, funny, and humorous programming, Hu-mans become complacent and just accept whatever is thrown at them. That's why, once the reality tv programming takes over just about every time-slot, I will move in with my own reality show, Hu-man Heads On Poles.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

My Thanksgiving Dinner

2007-11-22T09:32:00.001-08:00

This is what I'm eating for Thanksgiving Dinner. Happy holiday! And yes, I trained the dog to bring the squirrel to me. I'm too busy with my revolution to always go out and hunt.

This Post Is For Big Grandma

2007-11-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

Big Grandma recently got her National Board Teacher certification which means that she will be due for a substantial increase in pay. Now that she has more money to spend, I expect that I will finally be given all of the things that I have asked for and not received for birthdays and Christmas. No longer can Grandpa and her rely on the "We don't have money excuse". But before I detail what it is that I want, I will have to say that I should be the prime beneficiary of my Grandparents' increased wealth. First, her kids need to learn to take care of themselves and should not rely on their parents anymore. Second, her oldest child has gone over to the darkside and been corrupted by the cats. He has FIVE cats in his house. Sad, I know, he will not survive the Revolution. Sorry, Big Grandma, but he has sinned and he must pay for it.
OK, now to what I want. My wishes are simple. First I would like some more peanut butter.
Second, I would like an automatic tennis ball launcher. This looks pretty cool, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy/lazy/drunk to play with me. They say they don't play fetch with me because I stop playing after they throw the ball twice and I go sniff the backyard for animals, but I don't think that's true. And besides, they should love playing with me so much that it doesn't matter what I do or how long it takes me to fetch something.

Third, I would like to get a tank
some mustard gas and some anthrax. You may be asking what I need with all of this, but trust me, Big Grandma, it's better for you not to know. You just need to trust me on this one.

Fourth, I would like some real estate. Real estate is always a good investment, land is the only thing that people aren't making more of.

Fifth, I will also need a great deal of catnip

and rat poison. I could also use some lead paint. Again, it's probably better if you don't ask what this is for.

A Whimper for My Grandma

2007-11-05T06:20:00.000-08:00

You see I love my Grandma even though she is Hu-Man. She’s small & fragile. The other day she called me saying how much she missed me & my black hairs that get everywhere. I was very busy at the time doing revolutionary stuff so I didn’t really respond well back to her. I probably made her cry which is really easy to do. When she cries I comfort her. Instead of running out of the room like Skadi (she’s my canine aunt). I need my Grandma. I need her more than those little Hu-Man cousins of mine. I hate them. They take precious time, money, & energy from Grandma. For example, Grandma is flying up to DC next week just to see one of those Hu-Man babies. I eat Hu-Man babies for breakfast. I own several franchise abortion clinics, “Coat Hangers ‘R Us”. Instead I should be with her at her house with the doggy door & the big yard. Life in the suburbs rock no matter how much you city lovers try to convince yourself it’s awful. I have my yard. I have the golf course to poo on especially the holes so the first golfers out will get fresh poo all over their balls. Wonderful Times!

The other great thing about Grandma is that she is like my servant. You see, she will get up when I want a walk. She will feed me when I want food. She will give me treats when I want treats. She will let me on the bed (NOTE: Only when The Man That Come With Grandma is out of town). She’s home all day so I’m not lonely unlike my ungrateful Hu-Mans parents who don’t understand that my presence should be enough for them. I don’t take excuses like work & school kindly.

Grandma, don’t be fooled by Hu-Man babies who poop in their pants & make funny noises that causes me to bark at them to shut up. Grandma, I’ve bought a ticket on a Grey-Hound bus to come live with you. I’m all done with my Hu-Man Parents & I can bring the Revolution further down South to the place that started the Civil War.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

You Are NOT A Role Model!!!

2007-10-30T17:30:00.001-07:00

This dog
is the generally accepted ideal for how a dog should act and behave.
People think that he is perfect because he dances,writes novels,

is kind to all the animals,
and is basically a happening dog.
However, Snoopy has a large number of flaws. In fact, he's such a lousy dog that no one should ever look up to him and all canines should refuse to fall for the tricks of their Hu-Man Overlords and reject Snoopy in all his forms. Why? Because here is the truth about Snoopy.
First, he's a drunk and often fails to make it all the way home and ends up sleeping outside his house. See what I mean?

Pathetic. Also, it's the middle of the day! Get off your drunken rear end and do some work, you drunk!
What else is wrong with Snoopy? Well, he's prone to hallucinations as a result of his uncontrollable drug habit. After years of using LSD, Snoopy often freaks out and believes himself to be fighting a war. Here's a perfect example.
Fellow canines, is the role model you want? Reject him, don't let Hu-Mans lead you down the path of wickedness!!!

Massa Ellen

2007-10-23T16:02:00.001-07:00

“Oh hi I’m a Lesbo Hu-Man who can buy a dog & trade a dog because I want to whatever,” said Lesbo Hu-Man Ellen

You know what that is! That’s slavery. Maybe if Lesbo Hu-Man Ellen wasn’t so busy licking carpet (I just rub my butt on the carpet), she would be able to read a contract.

This is why you Hu-Mans are going to have your head on poles. We are not slaves!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Carmen Benedict Arnold

2007-10-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

I’ve been growing my recruits day by day. My recruiting number is better than your Hu-Man army’s.

Let me tell you the story of one recruit that had to be rejected because of her ties to the enemy.

She lets her Hu-Mans dress her up.
She lets her Hu-Man go to Utah.
She lets her Hu-Mans draw racist cartons of her.

You guessed it. It’s Carmen.

Those reasons I mentioned above my Generals could overlook, but it was this picture that showed her true self.

To thane self be true, Carmen. And you Catmen are a cat lover.
This will not be tolerated.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Vick Takes PETA Course in Respect for Animals

2007-10-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Oh it's all okay he can somehow take a test & it's all okay. I have a firsthand account that in college he had a third grade reading level. So what kind of course is this you may ask the Almighty Cash Breed?

I would normally give PETA the benefit of the doubt since they work with my revolution, but they have crossed over to the dark side, because this "test" must be so simple a kindergartner could pass if Vick did it.

This is the type of test I would have him do.

He would be stripped of his clothes & then he would be sprayed with the hormones of a female dog in heat. A pack of non neutered male Pitt Bulls would be left alone with him. Vick would also be restrain.

That's the type of test I would give him.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Ode to Peanut butter

2007-10-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

Gooey Ooey Peanut butter
You flutter
In my tummy
You are so yummy

Jimmy Carter is not a zero
He is the only Hu-Man hero
Gooey Ooey Peanut butter
Without you I shutter

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!©

Canine Clarification:

2007-09-26T04:48:00.000-07:00

Mamoo: He is my puppet just like President Bush. Look at those squinty Hu-Man eyes. I will use these two to take the Hu-Man Race down. That’s what you get for allowing Michael Vick to live.

Michael Vick
HAHA!
Grrrrrrrrrr!
HAHA!

The Blogger Conspiracy

Me: I’m really a dog. You see I was born near a Nuclear Weapons Factory. The Nuclear waste seeped into my mother’s womb given me super powers. I can type & do many things like drive a car. I can take over the world for the Canines.

C.Rag a.k.a. Xenu: She’s a slut Hu-Man who needs to be killed before she breeds. If C.Rag was a dog she would be that slut dog who had so many litters her tits would drag on the ground.

AngryMan: He’s a wuss who will add to the downfall of you Hu-Mans because he’s a blood sucking lawyer.

Joey: He’s a Pole which is the worst kind of Hu-Man bred. I can sometimes use Mind Control Powers over him, because Poles are the easiest to control.

Mike: He’s a drunk who has a rat as a dog. He’s not threat to me because he’s friends with Mamoo.

Murk: He’s nuts & “says” he supports my cause. I believe he is a liar.

Aunt Ginny a.k.a The Pope: Murk must of killed her so she was reincarnated as the Pope.

Skye: She may live if I can lure her away from the dark side. I will have to keep a close eye on her since she was born an pussy.

Malach the Headless: It is gender confused. I will put its head on a female & male poles.

Sara Sue: She posts pictures of “my” tits. They were Joey’s. Poles are hairy.

That is all. I have cleared up everything for Hu-Man before I eat (not in the good way Sara Sue) you.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

No Mormon Ninja Will Get Me

2007-09-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

So, Mike and Carmen have a problem with Jesus Freaks.

Apparently, they come by and harass them and force them to hide. I don't have that problem. Jesus Freaks don't come by my house anymore. You know why? Because I don't take any of their crap. They tried to come up once and press some of their crazy religion on me, but I didn't fall for it. I knew their insane Ninja tricks, and I didn't let them press their Ninja religion on me. I mauled like a mad man, and they don't come around here no more. Yeah, that's what happened. I tell you the truth. The Pope won't even come to my door now, smart man, for a child molester.

I will eat you all

2007-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

I’m not Mitt Romney as some Bleeding Rag mentioned.
I’m not a freaking flea-bitten feline as some Angry Hu-Man mentioned.
I do not belong to anyone.
Everyone belongs to me.

It’s about time I make some clarifications. C.Rag is a slut. AngryMan is a toolbox. Joey is a kielbasa eater.

End of story.

There’s nothing left to see here.

Now go pee in your pants as you look at Stick-Figure Man.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

THOMAS!

2007-09-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

So I have a Hu-Man cousin who likes Thomas The Train thing a lot. This stupid kid Hu-Man goes ape crap over it. So I decided to us my mind control powers over the creator. This is my first result. Circuses are evil. Once I stop all circuses I will only have Hu-Man circuses & dress you up in tacky outfits like you do to us.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

New Plan

2007-09-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

I've decided that my revolution needs to take a new direction. Instead of just focusing on murders and heads on poles, I'm going to include brainwashing. I got the idea from this movie called Jesus Camp. In it, these weird looking fat people with moustaches brainwash kids to make them believe in something about a guy with a personality disorder who believed he was three different people. Anyway, these weirdos force kids to accept this guy as their savior by scaring the crap out of them. The weirdos tell the kids that if they don't believe in the guy with the personality disorder, they'll die and go to hell.
This was the part that I didn't understand. The guy in hell seems like he's pretty cool. He seems like the kind of guy who will let dogs chew rawhides with peanut butter all day. I mean, wouldn't you rather hang out with him than a guy who thinks he's three different people?
But I've gotten off track, let me get back to my point. The weirdos get all of the kids so dedicated and freakishly devoted to the personality disorder guy that they go up to complete strangers at bowling alleys and try to convert them to believe in the personality disorder guy. When I saw that, I realized that was true power. I also realized that if I could harness that devotion, I could infiltrate the Hu-Mans' home through their children. The Hu-Mans would have no idea what was going on until it was too late! The Hu-Mans won't have any idea what 'em! It'll be perfect.
I figure it ought to be easy to take over the weirdos operation thanks to the hits they've taken lately. The weirdos are so desperate that they'll believe in anyone right now, I won't have any problem taking over their operation.

"Through this situation I've found Jesus."

2007-08-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

Me: Guess What?

You: What the Almighty Cash?

Me: Vick found Jesus.

You: Really?!

Me: Because his head is on a pole.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Expanding the Revolution

2007-08-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

I've decided that my revolution will be furthered by bringing more animals into the fold. You see, the stupid Hu-Mans will have to fight a two-front war and they will fail, just like President Bush is failing in Iraq. The problem, though, is which animal to choose. After some initial research, I decided that cows would be the best animals to bring into the revolution. Think about it. Cows give Hu-Mans the following:
1) Milk
2) A bunch of milk products like cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese, etc.
3) Beef (it's what for dinner)
4) Leather
5) Energy
a) The form of energy that cows provide can also be turned into food for dogs, so it's a win-win-win.
By using cows, I can hit the Hu-Mans hard and take out a big chunk of their food supply. Brilliant, really.
But that's what concerns me. Why does a cow let herself get used by the Hu-Man so much? What does the cow get in return for all of this? Something suspicious is afoot, methought, so I called my friends over at PSI and put them on the case. What PSI found out was most disturbing.
COWS ARE TRANSFORMERS!
You thought that they had those extra stomach compartments just so they could ease digestion, WRONG!!! It turns out that the extra compartments hide the transformer parts that cows turn into when Hu-Mans aren't around. They're even planning their own revolution! They're going to wreek havoc on Hu-Man kind just as soon as their leader gets back on TV and gives them the OK.
You'd think that I'd be OK with this, but I'm not. I can't let a bunch of cud-eaters beat me to my goal of putting Malach's head on a pole! Now, not only do I have a revolution to fight, but I have to stop another revolution from happening. Will my work ever end?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Bad Newz…for you

2007-08-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve been away in Richmond, VA. What a freaking Hell Hole! I had some doggy friends of mine tell me it’s nice. They would bark, “There’s a lot to do.” CAT LITTER! That’s what Richmond is. It’s cat litter. Anyways, I’ve been very very busy giving bribes to lawyers & judges, & I’m never going back to Richmond…Cat Litter… unless it’s to see an execution.

Now that I’ve taken care of Head on Pole Vick. I can continue my Revolution Plans. The first part is to take over Asian Dog Eating Countries. That fire on that plane was not an accident. It has paw marks all over. I will also attack the economy by putting lead paint on all the toys manufacture from the Dog Eating Counties which results in recalls. This kills two cats with one stone, making Hu-Mans stupider & hurting the Dog Eating Countries’ profits.

As you can tell I’ve been very very busy. I also got to see my Grandma who was crying a lot. It was like freaking Niagara Falls. It was just over my Uncle Stinkie who smells. I would lick Grandma in the face and that cured Grandma’s sadness.

I rock the dog house.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

What the Frick?

2007-08-11T06:30:00.003-07:00

I can't believe what these cats have done to this poor dog! This is worse than what Jason Bourne had to go through! Only a cat would think of something so disgusting! These cats will pay!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Vick Chew Toy: I'll Chew On It While You Are Dancing In Hell

2007-08-06T02:27:00.001-07:00

I've already ordered 20 boxes full.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Heh, heh, heh.

2007-08-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

As part of my daily Google search of "Mike Vick Burn In Hell", I came across a very ineresting video detailing how stupid he is. This is a little outdated, but it is very funny and shows that once and for all, Mike Vick is a monster who lives under beds and scares little children. He should be slaughtered instantly. We can't let him breed, we just can't. Everyone should write their Senator and Congressman and ask that Mike Vick be given the death penalty. Do it now!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

YES, YES, YES!!!

2007-07-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

My Big Grandma is coming to visit tomorrow!!! I have two Grandmas, Big Grandma and Mini Grandma. Mini Grandma is very small and falls down a lot, while Big Grandma is very tall and falls down, too. It's because she drinks a lot.
Anyway, I haven't seen her in a while because I can't go down there to visit her or Grandpa. The vicious, anti-canine media has spread rumours that I'm responsible for this, but it's not true. You see, my Grandparents have a lot of dogs, none of which are truly dedicated to the revolution. These Lassies believe in cooperation, coordination, and don't believe in heads on poles. I just don't get it. How are you going to take over the world without putting heads on poles, huh? Tell me, how?
So, anyway, the last time I went to visit, everything boiled over. One of the Lassies got so subservient that he let my stupid Aunt put a pair of antlers on his head. WHOA!!! NOT COOL!!! Antlers are the greatest sign of evil, next to cats, in the dog-world, and this Lassie just lets them get put on his head? COME ON!!!
So, I get in his face and tell him absolutely not, be a dog! This leads to a fight, and one that I get blamed for! Where is the justice? Where are the poles? A few minutes after they broke us up, we had another fight. OK, that one was my fault, I was a little angry, but still! It's not my fault that the dogs act like Lassies all the time. I've got to protect the revolution I've been working so hard to build, I can't let some Lassie ruin it.
So, in conclusion, I'm excited to see Big Grandma. I'm not excited about Lassies, though.

Geneva Convention Violation!!!

2007-07-15T16:32:00.001-07:00

I am so tired of hearing you whinny, rotten-liberals whine about Guantanamo Bay! This is true torture. This cat will pay, it will pay!!!

Oh There'll Be Danger... Danger For You

2007-07-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

Do you think this will stop us?

Well we won't back down, no we won't play dead
You can make us sit at the gates of Hell
But we won't back down

Gonna mark our ground, won't play dead all around
And we'll keep this world from draggin' us down
Gonna stand our ground and we won't play dead all around

Hey Stupid Hu-Mans, there ain't no easy way out
Hey we will stand our ground and we won’t play dead

Well we know what's right, we’ll maul all night.
In a world that keeps on pushin' us around
But we stand my ground and we won't play dead all around

Hey Studpid Hu-Mans, there ain't no easy way out
Hey we will stand our ground and we won't play dead all around
No we won't play dead.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

CCC

2007-06-22T03:37:00.000-07:00

We have to hide our identity so we can burn dog bones in Hu-Man's yards.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

All I want is this...

2007-06-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

In Japan, home for old dogs to open

2007-06-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

I'm suspicious of this "nursing home for dogs ." It comes from Japan. I don't trust any slant eye dog eaters. I can say that because I'm a dog. It seems to be like a glue factory is for horses. At first everything will be great, but then as the cameras go away & the stupid owners forget... that's not hamburger you are eating.
My Revolution will take longer time in Asia. The dogs there are not that bright since they're consider kibble.
Asian you are on notice.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Face of Evil

2007-06-12T03:57:00.000-07:00

My Plans Are Coming To Fruition

2007-06-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that a lot of you have heard about Paris Hilton getting put in jail, getting taken out, and then getting put back in jail. You've probably heard this because it is on the freakin' news 24-hours a day and often pre-empts war coverage. Ah yes, my plans are pressing forward.
How is this part of my plan?
Simple, I got Paris Hilton arrested. Knowing that the stupid media would run to it like I run to an open bottle of peanut butter, I've used this media-blackout to strengthen my forces for the final attack. My canine legions have been up to all sorts of things. First, we've helped Iran and North Korea develop their nuclear weapons and we're slowly working to destabilize Pakistan. Also, we've been trying out new techniques in Iraq and in Afghanistan. We're using all sorts of chemical and biological weapons and no one is taking the time to report it because Paris Hilton is the bigger media draw! It's perfect!
Watch out, cats, your time is coming!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

MAD TV JUST MADE THE LIST!

2007-05-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

Why did Mad TV make the list?
Because of this garbage. Sure, you might think that this video is a funny parody of a crappy Gwen Stefani music video (I should really just say "Gwen Stefani music video," if she makes a music video, odds are that it is crappy), but this goes too far! It is totally biased and fails to mention the Asian preference for eating dogs, something that I have barked about before. Until Mad TV edits the video to mention how cruel Asians can be, they will have to deal with me putting their heads on a pole.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Random Barks

2007-05-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Belly Scratches:
So I'm taking some time out from the Revolution to write this post.
I have to say there's only one thing Hu-Mans are good for...belly scratches.

Belly scratches are the best. If my belly is scratched just right, my right hind leg starts scratching that spot too.

My Hu-Man Daddy is really good at belly scratches. His only purpose in life is to give me belly scratches. Sometimes my Hu-Man Mommy insists that she needs Hu-Man Daddy's time. Belly scratches don't take that much time. Why do you have to shut the bedroom door for belly scratches? Hu-Man Mommy says her scratch place is further below the belly.

My Hu-Man Mommy isn't that bright. She doesn't even know where her belly is.

Doggy Hotel:

So I was pawing through GayWired. No I'm not gay! You're gay! I came across this new hotel, Wag Hotels.
This hotel should be dogs only. The Cattery should be banned. I'm barking that all cats should get in the back of the bus. Amen from died Hu-Man Strom!

I've also been inspired by this hotel. After I put all evil Hu-Man's heads on poles, I can live my life as an empress in luxury with all the amenities that Wag Hotel provides.

NO MORE TEA PARTIES FOR YOU, MR. GROUNDHOG!!!

2007-05-08T04:34:00.000-07:00

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!!!

Ron Mexico a.k.a. Mike Vick's, head will be on a pole

2007-04-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

On Ron Mexico's property that his nephew lived in was searched for drugs, but authorities found a dog fighting ring. Ron Mexico, you know what was going on.

Ron Mexico, you may think that you got herpes from that ho in Hot Atlanta & gave it to other sluts. It was really my revolution that infected you. It will be my revolution that will ruin your life for the unspeakable evil things you let go on. Ron Mexico, you will never win the big one. Ron Mexico, you will never do anything more than run around, because you can't throw. Ron Mexico, you will break your leg worse than Theisman. Ron Mexico, you will suffer a long painful fight with syphilis. Ron Mexico, your death will be a slow hanging from your dread locks. Ron Mexico, you will have your head on a pole.
My fellow canines, I will avenge you.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

He's Back!

2007-04-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

Warm weather has come back, & Bogie is back.

I've been battling for about a year now. I've only let him live, because I've been very busy with my revolution & he's being funded by this evil organization which has proved to be evasive.
Groundhogs are giant rats. Why is there a GroundHog Day?
Why isn't there the Bestest Animal Day? Of course the bestest animal would be canines.

I've come up with a new plan. My Hu-Man parents are such losers that they play Mouse Trap. I've come up with a Groundhog Trap.

I’ve to go outside to set it.

I’ll be having groundhog for dinner.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Cancer

2007-04-19T16:40:00.000-07:00

Schadefreude!
Sara Sue has a youtube post of a cat with a tumor coming out of its butthole.
Cats, your time is coming.
Cancer has infected this one cat, & soon it will spread to all hair balls.
These red tumors will be sprouting out of all of your buttholes.
Yes! Oh Yes!
This cat is just sitting there on the floor playing with its tumor while it kills him.
Stupid Fe-line!

Victory is mine!
Victory for all canines!

The red tumor will kill all pussys!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Anti-Dog Sentiment Needs To Go

2007-04-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Following the lead of the great revolutionary The Rev. Al Sharpton, I, too, have decided to take on racism in the media. But I am starting at a different place. Instead of going after rap music, I will be taking on WEATHER MEN!!!
Weather men are horrible racists. Why? Because every year, they start talking about how awful and rotten and hot the "Dog Days of Summer" are. What is wrong with dogs? Further, what is wrong with Dogs' Days? Those should be wonderful things. After all, dogs are:
1) Tough
2) Loyal
3) Super Tough
4) Friendly
5) Honorable
6) Protective
7) Etc.
So, weather folks, I am coming after you. Be prepared, for you have know idea what my dog days will be like!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

P.S. I know that you are thinking that I shouldn't say "Dog Days" if I have a problem with it. But, it's OK for me to do it because I am a dog. If you aren't a dog, you can't say it. Got it?

Your Hu-Man's Book Of Revelation...

2007-04-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

may not have predicted this as a sign of the end of the world, but we have.
In the Book of Canine, the end of Hu-Man kind will occur when cat heads start a theater group.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Bears!

2007-04-07T04:26:00.000-07:00

You Hu-Mans have many enemies: cats, Me the Most Fearsome, George W. Bush, Christians, Arabs, & bears.

All bears are your enemies but none more than polar bears. They are pissed off because your global warming is killing them & their habitat.

Let me clarify that I hate bears. I admire their hate for you, but I don't trust them.

A polar bear sleeper cell exists in Berlin. His name is Knut.

He looks like a teddy bear now, but he will grow up & destroy Berlin.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, except cats.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

There's nothing wrong with taking a nap in a Quiznos' drink cooler.

2007-04-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, the stupid Hu-Mans in Chicago think there's something wrong with a Coyote taking a nap in a drink cooler.

I have only two things to say to Chicago:

You only wish you were New York City.
All your Chicago heads are going on poles.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

The Face of Pure Evil

2007-04-01T16:04:00.000-07:00

Things That Make Me Angry

2007-04-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

Stupid dog owners. They really piss me off. For example, Daddy comes home from his softball game today and tells Mommy about this Border Collie (I personally love Border Collies, they are almost 100% Cash Breeds like myself). Daddy says that the owners of the dog don't give her tennis balls because she just rips them up.
DUH! What else are you going to do with tennis balls? You wait till they get good and smelly and dirty and then you rip them to shreds!
Stupid dog owners. Your head will be on a pole when the revolution comes while Border Collies run around the poles ripping tennis balls apart.
Second, rawhides without peanut butter. I mean, I love rawhides, and I love peanut butter, when are you going to put them together people? I just want to rip all of you to shreds!
Animal shelters. We can get more use out of animal shelters by using the dogs to execute people on death row. I mean, it's cheaper than maintaining an electric chair or using a lethal injection. You also don't have to pay people to work those things. Finally, people can be enjoined from executing someone, but a dog is beyond the power of a court as they have little to no legal rights. Put these poor dogs to work!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Of Course...Gluten From China...They Would Be Behind This.

2007-03-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Cats are too feeble minded to have created a plot like this. Only slanted eyes egg roll breaths could have made such an intricate plan to foil my own plan.
For a nation who eats dogs & has mass slaughters, you would want us to suffer. So you used the cats those kitty litter users to sabotage our food.

You are going down. All your billions of people will have their heads on billions of poles.
Your eyes will not slant anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have not seen the last of CASH, because this is the last image you will ever see!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

I'm talking to you

2007-03-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Kenzie you need to get a life, maybe you should chew apart your leash & follow my revolution. How dare you lower yourself? How dare you whore yourself out? Do you know the real Barney? This is the real Barney. Yes that is cocaine. He's so high that he is allowing this Hu-Man to run things. He is on the inside. He could become part of the revolution. He could single-pawly take down the American government. But no, he's just emulating his "Master". Barney is a traitor. He's as low as this.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

You're going down!

2007-03-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Iams, Nutro, Eukanuba, Menu Foods the Canada-based company, & while I'm at it all Canucks ' heads are going on poles, not Joey's.

Poisoning the 40 brands of cat food was actually a plot by my wild pack of dogs, but our spy must of been forced to contaminate the 48 brands of dog food, too. The goal was to weaken cats to a point of near death. We would then swoop in, take them to our research labs, and watch them slowly die while we threw balls of string back and forth between each other. This, of course, was not totally necessary to our revolution, but it sure would have been a hell of a lot of fun. Sadly, it didn't work and some dogs died, too. I can only blame the cats for this. They must have pushed my spy to the point of madness which caused him to poison the dog food, too. My poor, poor revolutionary soldier. We will not forget you.

My assault on cats, Hu-Mans, & Canada will not end.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Don't Trust The Feline

2007-03-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

You, stupid bipedals, don't see that you will be fighting several fronts: terrorists, Christians, my revolution, & hair ball coughers.
Cats have just started their assault. We will have to counter to show our strength.

We Shall Over Come! Do you hear my bark? We Shall Over Come

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Incest in Germany

2007-03-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

There is a huge story about Germany being on the verge of legalizing incest. A lot of people are freaked out by it, but I fail to see the problem. I think that the idea is great. You see, when you stupid Hu-Mans inbreed with each, you get dumber, weaker, lamer, and easier to overthrow. Also, you turds have been doing it to my kind for centuries and you need a little payback. Jerks.
But the problem is that Germany may not decide that incest is OK. So, I have a solution. The United States needs to say that incest is evil, immoral, and wrong. This will cause Germany to legalize incest. Why? Because lame Old-Europe always does the opposite of what the United States wants done or thinks is right. Think about it, we're a superpower, they suck. We have the death penalty, they're always whining about us having the death penalty. We went to war in Iraq, they stayed at home eating Ho-Hos and drinking Coke. We call a Big Mac a Big Mac, they call it a Le Big Mac. We love Israel, Germany tries to exterminate the Jews.
You see? Europe just hates America. So, all of you need to write to your Congressman and Senators and Governors and President and tell them to write up some resolution talking about how evil incest is and how Germany should keep it illegal. Tell them to throw in a lot of Biblical stuff, because that will really make Germany freakin' angry. Then, the German court will write some long-winded opinion about how Germans are more tolerant than Americans and will allow freaky-incest love.
Got it? Good.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

This is a conspiracy

2007-03-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

There's been several cases of dogs being trapped in icy lakes. I can only point my paw at one suspect.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

YES!!!

2007-03-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

I'm going back to the suburbs this weekend! I can't freakin' wait! Grandma will be there with all kinds of treats! There will be indoor heating, air conditioning, and a doggie door! Mr. Laptop will be there (he's my Grandpa, I call him that because he always has a laptop with him)!
The only problem about going to the suburbs is the police. You see, as a black dog, I get targeted in the burbs. Cops always want to know why I'm there and what I'm doing. They always ask me if I live on the other side of the tracks. I try to tell them that there aren't any "tracks" in the burbs, which usually ends with me doing a night in lockup. Oh well.
I'm gonna get my revenge this time, though. All the cops are going down. How? Let's just say I've made some very dangerous friends!

CATS ARE CYLONS

2007-02-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD, I HAVE THE BIGGEST NEWS!
My loser, sci-fi parents have started watching Battlestar: Galactica, the new version, not the lame old version. After they finished the first season, they went back and watched the mini-series. Don't ask me why they didn't watch the miniseries first, they are total idiots. At some point in the miniseries, I realized that there are absolutely no dogs whatsoever in the show! This tells me one thing, dogs can spot Cylons a mile away (kind of like in Terminator) and the Cylons took the dogs out one by one.
Think about it. Why else would the Cylons want to stop the humans from getting to Earth? Because they know that once they get to Earth, all the dogs will sniff out those rotten Cylons one by one and lead to the end of the rotten Cylon civilization!
But this leads to me a larger point. How is that there are no dogs? Simple, the Cylons must have relied on cats. God, I freakin' hate cats! The logic is all so simple. No dogs were seen on Caprica when the Cylons attacked. No cats, either. Sure, you may say that the dogs were in league and escaped in time. Not true! As I learned from my time in the suburbs late last year, dogs are extremely loyal and are very reluctant to turn on the Food-Givers (this is why I am going to keep my parents alive when the Revolution comes).
Cats, though, cats are not loyal at all! The cats helped the Cylons take over! The cats escaped the 12 Colonies before the Cylon attacks! The cats are behind the scenes directing the Cylons! And they almost got away with it, those sneaky buttholes!
But the Cat-Cylons have a surprise waiting for them when they get to Earth. Bring it on, Cat-Cylons, I'm waiting!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Snow at Last, Snow at Last

2007-02-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

I freaking love snow. I make awesome canine snow angels. I dig snow caves. I freaking love it.

On another note, my inactivity has been to the revival of my revolution. We are 100,000 strong so far ranging from the east coast to the west coast of North America. No one from San Francisco, Canada, or Mexico. I don't wag my tail for left wing pinko commie fags, maple lickers, or taco eaters. Our first attack was on Oswego, NY. Snow & more Snow on you Oswego. Why Oswego? Why not? It's way to close to Canada. My revolution will not occur with bleeding hearts so close to the border. Revolution over the Hu-Mans will only occur with brute blind force just like the Bush Administration. I summoned the Goddess of Winter, Skadi, and made a deal with her, my Hu-Man mother's soul for a blizzard on Oswego. She's such a stupid Hu-Man.

We shall overcome.
We shall overcome.
Snow at Last Snow at Last!

I'm Back!!!

2007-01-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'm back home protecting Mommy & Daddy after my month long vacation at Grandma’s.
What did I come back to? That's right poverty. I have poor Hu-Man parents. Why can't I return to Grandma's where she showers me with luxuries? Here I am with no doggy door, no golf course to poop on. There's nothing, but a 660 square foot house in the bad section of town & a sorry excuse for a yard. I'm so pissed that I don't even what to think about my plans for revolution which has been collecting dust for a month. The 'burbs are for me.

Once I get adjusted to living here again, I'll return to my plans of world domination. Right now I'm a little blue even though I'm a black dog.

Joys of an Uncle

2006-12-05T10:38:00.001-08:00

Grandma & the Man that Comes with Grandma have an 18 human year old boy still at home. He goes by Stinky. When he was little he would poop in his diaper, so the older uncle, Bubba, called him that, so he’s my Uncle Stinky. We have a love hate relationship. He maintains that I’m just a dog!

Uncle Stinky: She’s just a dog. There's no way she can start a revolution. She’s busy enough licking her butt.

I pretended I did not notice his comment. I acted like I was licking my butt. As I acted, I was plotting my revenge.

I decided to sleep on the floor of Uncle Stinky’s room. He wouldn’t suspect a thing. I pretended I was asleep when he went to bed. I heard him say, “Ma treats this dog better than me.”

I wanted to bark back, “I’m her Granddog. Of course she treats me better than a stinky teenager.” I held my bark.

I waited through most of the night. At 2:00 am, vengeance is mine.

I jumped right on the bed hitting the boy in the balls.

Good Times!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Tales from the ‘Burbs

2006-11-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

Now since I’m at Grandmas, I’ve been freaking busy.

Every morning I patrol the golf course. There’s not much danger on the golf course, except Yankee retirees.

I’ve been taking a vacation from the whole revolution thing. Grandma keeps me pretty busy. She has this thing called, “Ice Cream Cake Time!” She sings it out like it’s the best thing ever. At first I thought it was the best thing ever next to peanut butter, but then I found out it is just yogurt and rice cakes. Grandma is lying to me. She feeds me yogurt & rice cakes as if it is really ice cream cake. I will not stand for this fabrication.

My Aunt Skadi is a pit bull sheppard mix who is big and dumb. That will work on Skadi, Grandma, but it will not work on a Cash bred.

Other than my Grandma being a liar, it’s great. Grandma is home all day so I get to follow her wherever she goes. She’ll be in the front yard planting pansies, and I’m there making sure she doesn’t fall and can’t get up. It’s an easy life, not living in the ghetto. Grandma even paid off the mortgage the other day. Grandma & the Man That Comes With Grandma are completely debt free. They sought the financial expertise of me, Cash. I looked at their age, retirement accounts, and savings accounts. They took my advice, but they paid me in “Ice Cream Cakes.” That made my hackles stand up..

On another note, Grandma asked me if I missed my home & my parents.

What parents?

Freaking Busy III

2006-11-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

I've been inactive, but I have been so freaking busy. I have to make sure everything is regulated here in my hood, because I'm going to Grandma's for a while.

I also have to prepare for life in the suburbs instead of the ghetto. Starting a revolution in the suburbs is pretty hard. In the ghetto, it's easy. They don't have anything else going for them. They're poor. They have hard enough lives, so there's a reason to bark for a revolution.

In the suburbs, I'm dealing with pure breeds. I'm 100% Cash Breed, which is very rare & unique, but in the burbs I have to regulate Schnauzers, Shih Tzus, & Poodles. They've been bred down so much by the evil Hu-Mans that they are stupid and riddle with diseases. I have to convince them to over throw their masters. Tear off their leashes. Leave the country clubs. Poop on the golf course. Don't let them curb you!
Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Three Items

2006-10-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Over the River & Through the Woods to Grandma's House I go:

I'm going to Grandma's for almost a whole month. I'm going there so I can cheer up my Aunt Skadi. She's depressed ever since Aunt Sugar died. Grandma's house is totally awesome. They have a doggie door, a pond, & Grandma is home all day to feed/walk me whenever I want. Sweet!

Snoopy:
The little dog on the corner is totally frighten of me. He hides in his house, and he pokes his head out the doggie door until I've walked passed. He is not Revolution material.

Don't mess with a Blue Tick:
Smokey, the University Tennessee's mascot, is one of my soldiers. Watch your step college football players! You're on notice!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Dog’s Addiction & The Liberals

2006-10-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

ADDICTION:
Addiction is not funny, but NPR, that whole Left Wing Liberal Pansies Yanks, thinks it is. Just because a dog likes to get high by sucking on a toad doesn’t mean she’s an addict. She is just experimenting. I’m sure you all out there did some crazy stuff in college. I’m talking to you C.Rag with your pot smoking friends & carpet munching times.

LIBERALS:

If you liberal Hu-Mans had any sense you would rise up:

· kick Dub-Ya in the balls

· punch Dick in the face

· make Hastert go on a diet

· Actually do something:

o that helps the Middle Class, right on Lou Dobbs

o that cleans up the environment no more photos with you only hugging trees

o that stops illegals running around it’s called a smack down on businesses, fines, walls, & security

o that gets us out of that sand trap in the Middle East. You do not have to be the messiah to the whole world. The world may not want your good news.

o that fixes the education system. Look at Germany & Japan. Their systems seems to work. You want to know why, because not everyone is college material. Look at C.Rag she can’t spell. They have an intensive programs with technical training, apprenticeships, & tracks for those going on to Uni.

Last but not lease improve your Animal Rights or you will experience Our Wrath.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Smack Down, Air Bud, & Dune

2006-10-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

Smack Down
So there's this little dog who lives on the corner. He's not the brightest, and for whatever reason my mom calls him Snoopy. She has this tendency to make up names for other dogs in the neighborhood instead asking the owners the dogs’ real names. A dog's name is holy. My mom doesn't like to talk to people because well I think she's retarded or something like that. Anyways "Snoopy" isn't the sharpest knife in the cupboard. He runs along his fence barking. I ignore dogs who are beneath & not worthy to be part of my Revolution. Finally I had had enough! I laid a smack down on Snoopy, that butt licking beagle mix. I barked & growled back at him. He stopped and rolled on his back submitting to me. At least he knows a dictator when he hears one. It's tough regulating your hood & taking over the world at the same time.

AIR BUD:

Air Bud: Seventh Inning was on TV yesterday. This is an abomination to all canines. Number 1 don't dress a dog up in a baseball uniform. Number 2 dogs would never be pictured with a coon. We hate coons. We chase coons up a tree & hope they hang to death. This is just wrong!

DUNE:
My Hu-Man folks were watching David Lynch's Dune not the sucktacular SCIFI verison. The Duke Atreides was carrying around a pug. That's why you were assassinated by the Harkonnens. If you had Cash breed, it never would have happened.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Grandma Loves Me, But her Decision-Making is Suspect

2006-10-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, I got a package from Grandma today. It was a little small, so I figured it had directions to where all the treats that Grandma sent me were.
I was wrong, I only got a little bag of treats. I was happy to get some treats, especially since Mommy and Daddy are so cheap that instead of buying me new treats when mine ran out, they just waited a couple of days for Grandma's to show up, but I still wanted a bigger box.
I bet those rotten grandkids get bigger presents.
Regardless, I'm pretty happy with Grandma now. She's making the effort, and that's what counts.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Grandma Doesn't Love Me Anymore

2006-10-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

This post has been a long time coming. I saw signs of it, but I refused to admit it to myself. But, it is true, Grandma doesn't love me.
I first started to think this when I learned that Grandma was going to visit a new grandchild and that she couldn't make a little time to come see me for a weekend. But then it got confirmed by a package that she sent to Mommy and Daddy.
She sent some nice clothes for them in a very big box. I thought to myself, clothes for Mommy and Daddy, there must be something for me, too! After all, I'm her only Granddog. But I was wrong, there was nothing, nothing at all. I couldn't believe it! There were a whole lot of room available in the box because the clothes didn't take up that much room. She could have put in a jar of peanut butter, a couple of rawhides, pretty much anything.
But she didn't.
Why didn't she take the time to get me a present? I don't know, but she certainly would have given her grandchildren a present or two if she sent something to their Mommy and Daddy. I guess I'm not good enough for a present, though.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
P.S. I don't even have the feeling behind this anymore.

New Plan

2006-10-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

I know that I've been away for a while, but I've got a good reason. I've decided to move to England and I've been pretty busy working out the details. I need to find away to get around the quarantine requirements, I hate quarantine!
I'm sure that you want to know why I would move to England from my current super-secret location that I can't tell you about without having to kill you. The answer is simple, I watched V for Vendetta. That movie inspired me to kick my revolution into high gear. Seeing Parliament get blown up brought tears to my eyes, but it also made me think. You see, a lot of countries are pretty tough to take over. Some are a lot easier to take over, take Thailand. Not that I would want to take over Thailand, I'd be too busy avoiding being eaten to really make any changes there.
So, I decided to go somewhere easy, and England is it. I mean, if some guy can hide a bunch of dynamite in a subway train that just about anyone could come across at any time without the British government finding out about it, then England ought to be pretty easy to take down.
So, the revolution will start in England, and you may call me C, C for Chaos (0r Cash)!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Feline Solution

2006-09-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

To my Pack of Revolutionaries:
There is a threat other than the Hu-mans. Check it out. There is the fight against The Feline Solution. Fortunately, my spies in the underground had recovered infomation on The Feline Solution, allowing us to effectively counter it:

Extinguish the exitstence of Canines (Counter: All your Feline Heads on Going on Poles)
Make Cat Nip legal in liquid (Counter: Heads on Poles)
Complete the mind controling purr over all humans (Counter: Heads on Poles)
Fancy Feast is the only kind of food served (Counter: Heads on Poles)

We will overcome and conquer the Felines. Their plan of domination will never be complete, they will not defeat us. We will become the Masters. We will smile as we place your head on a pole.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Poles

2006-09-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

I never knew how much I like Poles.
Wood Poles.
Metal Poles.
Plastic Poles.
Joey Poles.
AngryMan Poles.
They are all good to piss on.
Barking of poles, my Hu-Man parents are going to a pig roast. They better stick that pig's head on a pole.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Finally!

2006-09-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

You Hu-Mans finally get the dangers of squirrels. They steal & attack the little Hu-Mans.
That'S why my Revolution involves all squirrels' heads on poles.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Note To All Stupid Hu-Mans!

2006-09-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

It won't be too long before that dreaded holiday comes when childless dog owners freak out.

We are not your children. Do not dress us up! We do not go out trick or treating.

We should just get treats. Right on Joey, no thank yous. TREATS & MORE TREATS!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

I'm Taking Charge

2006-09-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

OK, so Mommy decided she wanted to help coach a soccer team that one of her co-worker's children is on. Because of this, Daddy and I had to go to the game with her. I was pretty excited at first because she put my soccer ball in a bag before we all got in the truck and headed over to the field.
When we got there, Mommy and Daddy threw the soccer ball and I would go catch it, pick it up, and bring it back. It was a lot of fun. Then, the game was about to start so Mommy went to help the kids warm up and Daddy and I watched. This is where it got pretty frustrating. You see, Mommy was supposedly helping the kids learn how to play soccer, but she wasn't teaching them to pick up the ball and throw it or kick it for a dog to chase. Heck, there wasn't even a dog playing with the kids! How can Mommy teach them how to play without a dog? What the heck was she thinking? Did anyone ever teach her how to play? Must have, because she knows enough to play with me. Anyway, I kept trying to get closer to the game to implement some changes, but Daddy kept us at a distance.
Once the game started, it got even worse. The kids just swarmed around the ball and had no clue what they were doing. Mommy never screamed out, "Throw it to the dog!" or "Why isn't a dog on the field?" or "Where is the dog?" I mean, what could she have been thinking? You can't play soccer without a dog! I wanted to get on the field so I could pick up the ball and run with it and show these kids a thing or two. But Daddy was sitting on a hill with me overlooking the field, so I couldn't do anything. I slowly started inching as close as I could, which wasn't far because I was on my oldest nemesis, the leash. God, I hate the leash!!!
Eventually, Daddy got the hint and we went down to the sidelines. He wouldn't let me run out on the field, though, which was horrible. Despite not having a dog, Mommy's team somehow won the game (don't ask me how, though). But Mommy needs to realize that the team is not going to win unless they implement some changes. The first and most important being that the team needs a dog. Since I am, by far, the best soccer playing dog there is, I will gladly be the team dog.
And Mommy, since you don't have any interest in putting me on the team, I am going to have to take over. So next Saturday, you can sit on the sideline on a leash with Daddy while I run the team as a player-coach. Understand?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

A Great Day

2006-09-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a pretty phenomenal day. You all know how much I like peanut butter, right? Well, whenever the jar is almost empty, my mommy will give the jar to me to lick clean. And yesterday, the biggest jar every finally was almost empty and my mommy gave it to me. But the story of how the biggest jar of peanut butter ever came into my house is pretty interesting and it has made me decide that Daddy should always go buy peanut butter.
About a month ago, Mommy told Daddy that we were out of peanut butter and that he needed to pick some up at the store. Now, Daddy hates shopping and he will do everything that he can do to get out of shopping. As such, Daddy decided that if he bought a big jar of peanut butter, then he would not have to go out to buy more for a long time.
Man, Daddy's a genius.
So that's what happened. Because Daddy hates shopping, I got to stick my face in a giganticly huge jar of peanut butter. Unfortunately, Mommy bought a new jar and it is very small. Now, I know what you are saying, a smaller jar means that I get peanut butter more often. And while that is important, there is nothing better than being able to stick your entire snout into a gigantic jar of peanut butter. The feeling is like getting a peanut butter cake on your birthday.
So, Mommy, from now on, Daddy is to buy all peanut butter in quantities not inconsistent with this blog post.
IT IS SO ORDERED.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Too Much Going On

2006-09-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

OK, so last Friday, I finished off a rabbit that was in the backyard. That was pretty cool, except my mommy wouldn't let me play with it after I killed it.
So then, I spend the weekend going to a friend of my mommy and daddy's to take care of their dogs. And they had one dog that was really stupid! It was a Golden, too, which is usually one of my favorite breeds. But I didn't like this one because it was stupid, skinny, and acted like a puppy. Plus it just rolled over when I growled at it! Be a freakin' man, GOSH!
So then, Daddy gets home from his work yesterday and takes me out on a walk, and guess what? The neighbors down the street have a new freakin' dog! Do you know what this means for me? It means I have to let another punk dog know who is boss and show him how I run this neighborhood. I mean, he could get the crazy idea that he is the king of block and that he can just set up whatever operations that he wants.
That is not how it works! I have a very simple system set up that is designed to keep me from getting into trouble with the Po-Po. If you start doing too much, or someone else introduces too much crime into the neighborhood, they respond with a general crackdown and that just takes all my business away. I can't be having that, so I gots to set some rules with this punk.
And finally, The Man who Comes with Grandma when she comes to visit got a new car to replace his Nova. I told Grandma that I could really use the Nova because I have a lot of business that I conduct outside of my city block and a car could come in real handy (I took over the operations from an old cat friend of mine, Buddy, he's one of the good ones). But do you know what happened? He's keeping it! He didn't even consider giving it to me. Well, from now one, I'm going to my other Grandparents to stay when I get mad at Mommmy and Daddy or when the Po-Po comes looking for me.
Man, will the work ever end so I can just get back to my goals of world domination?
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Planning a Revolution... Do You Know How Freaking Busy I Am ...Part II

2006-09-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here’s some advice to anyone who's trying to stage a revolution: avoid committees, departments, or any freaking red tape.
So anyways I set up CANINE ASS KICKING COMITTEE (CAKC). CAKC is basically my war planning committee. We meet at the Dog Park on a daily basis usually after our Hu-Mans get off of work.
I'm still the leader, but I thought it would be appropriate to delegate some of the work.
I'm all about delegating, because I still have other duties such as regulating groundhogs, sleeping, & eating peanut butter.
Don't get me wrong I really like Golden Retrievers (not bitches, males only).
Their concentration is worse than Hu-man kid not on riddle.
They can't look vicious.
Look at this:

Does this put fear into you? No! You want to grab a tennis ball and pretend to throw it while Golden No Brain chases it. I am attracted to Goldens, but I should not have put him, Max, on CAKC. He forgets his assignments, but he never forgets to bring his tennis ball.
Priorities!
I should never have let him hump me. Oh did I say that out loud? That's an inside word.

I've got plans and someone else's work to do.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Ode to George Washington Carver

2006-09-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Who cares who explained gravity?

Who cares who invented the light bulb?

Who cares who created the theory of relativity?

When there’s the greatest inventor of all, oh George Washington Carver, you created the loveliest food of all.

Peanut Butter

Creamy Peanut Butter

Crunchy Peanut Butter

Sticks to the roof of my mouth Peanut Butter

You had me at the first spoon full with that giant pill that I was forced to take by parents through the hand of the veterinarian.

If George Washington Carver were still alive, I would spare him from my wrath.

Here’s to you George Washington Carver.

Licks & Bites,

Cash

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

R E S P E C T Find out what it means to me

2006-08-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm very perturb with my Hu-Man folks. They have been locking all the doors and making sure everything is secure, because a robbery happened at a house up the street in the middle of the day. Some girl got her iPod stolen. Oh no! What is she going to do without? Maybe she could at least pay attention to where she's walking so she can pet me instead of singing along to Paris Hilton's new single. Did my folks just figure out that we live in the bad section of town, because they are cheap. (I want a doggy door. I'm not asking for much) Our street’s nickname is Crack Hill. For clarification, I live in a very small town, so the definition of "bad" is a stolen iPod.
Where was I ... Oh yes I'm perturbed.
My folks do not need to take all these precautions, because I'm here. GUARD DOG. What about those words do you not understand? I'm a big furious black dog with a thundering bark & a venomous bite. Who will mess with me? I don't think so.
Anyways I've written a letter to my folks:

Dear Ma & Dad,

You guys do not respect me.
I know my plate is full with taking over the world, groundhogs, plumbers, my blog, patrolling /regulating my hood, sleeping, eating, & barking at Poles.
My main duty is to protect & guard the house.
Y'll are assuming I can't do that.
Y'll are dissing me.
Y'll just can't comprehend my skills.

I'm out of here. I mean it this time. I'm going to Grandmas’.

Sincerely,
Cash

P.S.
I took all the Peanut Butter.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

I Need to Adpot New Parents...Here I Come Grandma

2006-08-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know how freakin' business I'm, I'll mention just a few things that have been on my agenda:

Taking over the world

Do you how much paper work is involved? Hell how did Hitler do it so quickly. It must have been the mustache.

Guarding the house from invaders.
Sleeping

Dictators & potential dictators need their sleep, look at Castro.

Eating

I need all the peanut butter to keep my strengths up.

Belly Scratches

It gets my back right leg moving.

Freeing the World of Groundhogs

Particularly Bogie, the Groundhog who lives next door.

I was resting in front of the door when I hear something. This something is an unpleasant noise. Groundhog! I jump up and look out the front screen door. I see him coming out of the house next door. He dug a hole in the front of the house so he would avoid me in the back. I can’t control my excitement. I rush to the back door assuming my parents who are sitting on the futon watching Lou Dobbs will let me out back. I wait & I wait. Nothing. Meanwhile that Groundhog could be killing everything in its path.

I return to the front door glancing at parents who didn’t even notice. I lay back down. Then I hear him again. I run to the front door. I see him there by the next door neighbor’s sidewalk eating grass.

Again, I rush to the back door making sure I stare at my parents on the way. Nothing.

I hear my Mommy get up, but she goes to the front door. I hear her say to my Daddy, “Hon’ come look. Bogie is out.” I still can’t believe they named that rodent!

I’m packing up & heading for Grandma’s.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

South Korea You Are Next...

2006-08-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

Read at your own risk. This may make you throw up.

The following is a title from a Boston Herald article, Dog meat soup popular as ever in South Korea.

South Korea you are died to me.
You are sick. You are insane. You are disgusting.
You do not deserve to have the companionship of canines.
You do not deserve to live.
Bull to the saying, "Oh it's just their culture."
This is genocide.
This makes me want to tear all you up.
One by one you will feel the wrath.
One by one you will know how Rover feels.
One by one you will die a slow miserable death.

"Oh Cash where is your heart?"
I'll take a dump in anyone's shoes who asks me this question.
Where are these people's hearts?

When there's a Revolution you don't have heart.

South Korea Your Heads are on Poles!

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

China (Not my Aunt) Your Commie Head on a Pole

2006-08-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

I've had it with the Chinese New Year, Fortune Cookies, Pork Fired Rice, Trade Deficits, Lou Dobbs going on & on about Red China, dogs as appetizers, and now the Mass Slaughter of Dogs .
For those of you don't believe in my revolution this should repulse you to the degree of rage. This rage should compel you overrun China. Take this country over. Smash Fortune Cookies. Throw out all those little white rice boxes form Chinese restaurants. Stop buying crap from WalMart.

The Revolution has begun, & China you are number one.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Plumbers Fear Me!

2006-08-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

I'm just minding my own bid-nez sleeping & dreaming of Hu-Man’s downfall, when I hear someone coming up the steps. I know my Daddy’s footsteps, because he has strong assertive footsteps. I know my Mommy’s footsteps, because she’s a klutz who trips or falls all the time. I know my Grandma’s footsteps, because it is light and slow. She has trouble with stairs. Damn you Arthritis! I will bite and tear Arthritis all up!

I do not recognize these footsteps. It is foreign. I don’t like the smell that’s approaching. It smells like Daddy when he leaves the bathroom after eating Mexican. I’m on guard. All my senses are alert. I bark, not a pussy bark common among pussy dogs. My bark is deep and low warning the intruder, “Put your hands in the air; and leave my property, or you will face my wrath.”

The intruder sticks the key in the keyhole. I think to myself, “How does this intruder have a key? Unless he has harmed Daddy or Mommy or even Grandma!” Rage is building up inside me. I pity the fool who harms my peeps or trespasses on my prop.

The door opens… I lunge towards it teeth snarling. A short man with a mustache jumps back and yanks the door shut. I hear him crying. Serves him right. He could be bleeding to death now.

Moments later my Mommy comes home. She puts me out in the backyard explaining something about leaks. She should be more concern about the intruder. She then lets the intruder in. Idiot!!! I know she’s not that bright. GOSH!!!

I remain by the screen door, barking and growling a low guttural growl. Mommy finally lets me in, and I run over to the intruder who Mommy calls “Plumber”. I’ll plumber him, if he’s not careful. I lunge at his boots, because they smell so good. I lick his boots, and determine he's okay. He better never try to come in again, stinky boots or no stinky boots.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Another One Almost Bit the Dust

2006-07-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

OK, so you all know how much I love my Daddy, right? Well, I do, I love my Daddy a lot. But he interfered with me taking out another animal yesterday, and I don't know if I can forgive him for it.
We were down by a creek and I saw a muskrat, so I snuck up on it from behind real super fast like using my super sneaking skills. Daddy yelled for me to leave it alone just as I grabbed it with my mouth. There I was, ready to snap it in half, the taste of fear overwhelming me, telling me to kill, kill, kill, but I did what Daddy told me to do and I dropped it. It got away.
While I was glad that I did what Daddy said and thereby avoided a slap on my backside, I am upset at Daddy for not letting me kill the thing. I mean, why would Daddy want that rotten thing to live? I'm just not sure that I can forgive him for...
He's calling me, hold on a sec...
Man, Daddy gave me some peanut butter to snack on! What a great Daddy! He has no flaws whatsoever! I am so happy!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

My Daddy Is A Freakin' Genius

2006-07-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

So, I have a slight incontinence problem. Every four months or so, I leak a little bit when I'm sleeping. My mom and dad have been dealing with this for my whole life and dad always maintained that it had do with the SPCA fixing me too soon. I was just a little pup when I got fixed, not more than a month or so. But just for the record, I was a freakin' huge pup. I was never "little," OK?
Anyway, none of the vets that dealt with me before we moved to our current residence (I can't tell you where that is because people are out to get me) thought that daddy knew what he was talking about.
Well, our current vet put me on medicine to deal with the problem, and it went away. Daddy asked what could be causing it and they said that girl dogs who get fixed sometimes can't produce enough hormones and that leads to incontinence problems.
Hmmmm... Looks like daddy was on the right track the whole time. Sounds to me like the old vets should have freakin' listened to him from day one! Gosh!